Press Release on the Presidential Missive at CHOGM

Press Release
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"It is now very clear that the blunt Presidential missive (aka 'missiles') thrown from far away UK have triggered a miasma of vituperations that confirm what we have been soliliquizing afore now.
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Suffice it to say that such infantile responses to our proclamations only prove to exculpate us on our refusal to entrust power to such specimen of jejune and babyish tendencies.
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Imagine any one of such seedlings handling Foreign Affairs or Interior! The cataclismic meltdown can best not be imagined.
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Therefore, we will continue to guide the Nigerian ship so that we steer away from the deep-end where these children want us to head for we all know that playing by the deep-end is dangerous and ill-advised.
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I will therefore expect all those lethargic pseudo-adults who have been whining and dialing 0800-WAILING to cast the toga of self-importance they are ensconced within and those appurtenances of self-deception and instead, squarely face their anterior in order to find how to make the ends meet.
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Let it also be known that no amount of book-browsing and chirping-instant-grammar will bend our indefatigable resolve to see to the metamorphosis of our nation into a land of energetically-enabled youth.
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As a complement to our effort, we therefore expect you to flock to the polls like pigeons  in 2019 to renew our (s)election as overseers for another full term. 
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With the new mandate, we will implement the Consolidation-agenda as a follow-up to the Change-agenda and all the fruits of our labor will sprout forth like a garden in spring.
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Therefore, let everyone endure the fasting period we are in now and continue to ration resources in line with the recessionary script that has been approved for this our first tenure.
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In conclusion I thank you for your forbearance pray that God Blesses the honest hardworking hustling Nigerians!
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(The spokesperson thereafter commented thus:
"The drama will soon change for the better and we promise great surprises in store before the arrival of electioneering for 2019. There will be a release of at least one episode every week so do not forget to tune-in for the latest episodes.)
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This has been Maje Amin reporting for Hilarious News Network (HNN)...the home of satire.
You can log on to our website: www.hnn.......dazzol!😂😂😂

201804200116hrs