The Father-figure and Family Institution and the Root of Today's Problem's

Many atimes we talk about various problems in our society and we seek to identify the causal factors behind them. In this piece, we intend to look at the root of most if not all the societal malaise that encumbers all and sundry in this modern day. This root is none other than the family institution.

The institution of the family is being destroyed today by the ravages of modern agents of socialization and being that it (the family) is the bedrock of all communities, society is daily slipping into a chasm of chaos and moral degradation.

I will go straight and say that at the centre of these happenings is the father-figure who is expected to be the guardian and leading light for his household guiding them towards value-driven and morally-upright up-bringing.

Alas, today you find that such a fundamental role and responsibility has been abandoned by many and the duties incumbent upon men is no longer seen as a sacred trust that needs full commitment and continuous sacrifice of personal desires/wants/needs in the interest of the collective.

Inasmuch as other constituents of the family unit also have their roles to play and in effect do contribute towards the positive or negative outcomes that result from daily living, yet the fundamental role that makes or mars is that of the father. As such we can see that being the father-figure transcends mere provision of food, clothing & shelter...it encompasses deeper engagements at the psychological/emotional level.

To make an analogy let me say that the role of the father in a family is like that of a manager. In order to achieve maximum results all managers must engage in the following:

Planning: “They say failing to plan, is planning to fail!” -Alan Lakein- Thus the father needs to have a 'plan'; a 'strategy' to have a good family.

Organizing: “Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it is not all mixed up.” -A. A. Milne- Thus the father needs to ensure that he organizes his home in such a way that his long-term strategy will be achieved.

Leading/Directing: “Actions, not words, are the ultimate results of leadership.” Bill Owens- Thus the father needs to take the initiative and not just sit back and relax...NO! He needs to take the bull by the horns! 

Monitoring & Evaluation: “Evaluate what you want -- because what gets measured gets produced.” -James Belasco- Thus it is not enough to just say that you have directed that this and that should be done...you need to follow-up and personally ensure that those things are actually being done and periodically test/find out what efficacy the structures you put in place have.

Thus from the foregoing we can see that in order for a model family to be brought up and for the family members to be up to standard, there must be a conscious effort by the ‘manager’ in meticulously applying managerial functions to the day to day activities. This is because life doesn't wait for anyone as:

“Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” John Lennon

Thus to wrap up if men were to carefully think over things we will realise that this life is more often than not taken for granted and we often spend away our time as if we have an endless sojourn in front of us when in reality the window for us to get it right is so short. We have a huge responsibility upon us which more often than not seems to be lost to our understanding. This is why today much has been left to deteriorate to so low a level due to repeated flouting of the rules of life. Immorality, decadence & avoidable stagnation/atrophy have become a daily occurrence.

The only way out is for us to inculcate the timeless values that have always held true so as to enable us to achieve an optimal level of behaviour which will translate in our family units being modelled in an ideal image. Replicating this across various family units will lead to its spread all over communities, societies and universally.

I will end by saying that I deliberately focussed my discussion on men because it is universally accepted that they are the leaders of families. Nevertheless I wish to bring the following two sources to buttress the fact that all are enjoined to ensure that the world is made a better place.


The first is The Prophet (sas):

"Kullukum raa'in wa kullukum mas'oolun 'an ra'iyyatihi.  Al-imaamu raa'in wa mas'oolun 'an ra'iyyatihi wa ar-rajulu raa'in tiy ahlihi wa huwa mas'oolun 'an ra'iyyatihi."

"All of you are shepherds and all of you will be asked about your wards.  The ruler is a shepherd and shall be asked about his wards.  The man is a shepherd of his family and will be asked about his ward."  Bukhari

The second is Al-Qur'an, 003.110 (Aal-E-Imran [The Family of Imran])

“Kuntum khayra ommatin okhrijat li(l)nn[a]si ta/muroona bi(a)lmaAAroofi watanhawna AAani almunkari watu/minoona bi(A)ll[a]hi walaw [a]mana ahlu alkit[a]bi lak[a]na khayran lahum minhumu almu/minoona waaktharuhumu alf[a]siqoon(a)”

“Ye are the best of peoples, evolved for mankind, enjoining what is right, forbidding what is wrong, and believing in Allah. If only the People of the Book had faith, it were best for them: among them are some who have faith, but most of them are perverted transgressors.”

May we become better leaders in whatever capacity we find ourselves in.

Haidar Wali