Hausa Man Why Now? by Haidar Wali
I have been getting incessant complaints about you and the thing is so disturbing! You used to be the pride of the pack...
Alas the following are the accusations leveled against you. I didn't want to pass sentence on you - so as not to be unjust - until I heard your side of the story. But let me go ahead and recite the 10-count charges as follows:
1. Hausaman, you have been charged as the person with the highest number of divorces both singly and severally (sometimes you used to say: I divorce you one hundred times thus even exceeding the maximum allowable three-3 times).
2. Hausaman, you are also said to be the person with the highest frequency of producing divorcees. In fact it has become a case study and you are being considered for the Nobel Divorce Prize!
3. Hausaman, you are also said to be the person with the highest number of packs & armies of little children with runny noses, bare-feet, and torn/disheveled clothes on their bodies. They even claim that the Somalis are protesting copyright infringement against you! Didn't you know that this look is a 'Billion Dollars worth of aids' style? Anyway, you can discuss the possibility of an out of court settlement when you're done with this case.
4. Mallam Hausaman, the Yorubaman and Igboman have each filed separate charges against you which have been combined here as follows: Dotting and painting their streets and public places with beggars in all forms, shapes, sizes, genders & ages. Begging has become a proffession for you and it has reached the point where you have monopolized it & driven ALL players out of business...Word of advice: ask Mr. Bill Gates what is Anti-trust.
5. Hausaman, you have been accused of being a lazy person such that you only go for businesses that bring quick money and cannot endure rigours & hardship of building sustainable businesses from scratch. You only know how to enjoy better than anyone and that is why all the suya-spots are manned and dominated by you. Here also anti-trust issues are glaring and thus we need this vital sector to be unbundled just like NEPA-Oh! sorry PHCN right?
6. Mr. Hausaman, you are the person - who despite your relatively early encounter with literacy - has become the most illiterate person amongst your peers such that for every 100 Professorial awards being given you only manage two(2).
7. Hausaman, you have been accused of being uncreative, unimaginative, and lacking wisdom in your interactions with others especially those with whom you share different culture. Granted that you are not the only one to blame since relationships are mutual...yet the following are examples of the grudges that people have against you:
Thus far, the foregoing are 8-count charge leveled against you although there are some that are still being processed.
Therefore Hausaman, in the spirit of finding a lasting solution you are required to kindly furnish your defense so as to invalidate the charges and substantiate your innocence which as it stands now we are assuming you are innocent until proven guilty.
However, it should be noted that blind arguments, rhetorics, counter-accusations are not allowable in this case. We will only entertain air-tight proof of innocence and better still we would appreciate if 'solutions' and 'remedies' to the different maladies are put forth. As stated in the prelude, the Hausaman has been known as the pride of the pack and thus a pace-setter! We hope he will not disappoint and lead the way in this exercise that will form part of the restructuring of Nigeria. We expect others to follow suit.
We will adjourn till a comment is made...
All arise...!!!
Alas the following are the accusations leveled against you. I didn't want to pass sentence on you - so as not to be unjust - until I heard your side of the story. But let me go ahead and recite the 10-count charges as follows:
1. Hausaman, you have been charged as the person with the highest number of divorces both singly and severally (sometimes you used to say: I divorce you one hundred times thus even exceeding the maximum allowable three-3 times).
2. Hausaman, you are also said to be the person with the highest frequency of producing divorcees. In fact it has become a case study and you are being considered for the Nobel Divorce Prize!
3. Hausaman, you are also said to be the person with the highest number of packs & armies of little children with runny noses, bare-feet, and torn/disheveled clothes on their bodies. They even claim that the Somalis are protesting copyright infringement against you! Didn't you know that this look is a 'Billion Dollars worth of aids' style? Anyway, you can discuss the possibility of an out of court settlement when you're done with this case.
4. Mallam Hausaman, the Yorubaman and Igboman have each filed separate charges against you which have been combined here as follows: Dotting and painting their streets and public places with beggars in all forms, shapes, sizes, genders & ages. Begging has become a proffession for you and it has reached the point where you have monopolized it & driven ALL players out of business...Word of advice: ask Mr. Bill Gates what is Anti-trust.
5. Hausaman, you have been accused of being a lazy person such that you only go for businesses that bring quick money and cannot endure rigours & hardship of building sustainable businesses from scratch. You only know how to enjoy better than anyone and that is why all the suya-spots are manned and dominated by you. Here also anti-trust issues are glaring and thus we need this vital sector to be unbundled just like NEPA-Oh! sorry PHCN right?
6. Mr. Hausaman, you are the person - who despite your relatively early encounter with literacy - has become the most illiterate person amongst your peers such that for every 100 Professorial awards being given you only manage two(2).
7. Hausaman, you have been accused of being uncreative, unimaginative, and lacking wisdom in your interactions with others especially those with whom you share different culture. Granted that you are not the only one to blame since relationships are mutual...yet the following are examples of the grudges that people have against you:
a. Every non-Hausaman is an 'arne' or 'kafiri' or 'inyamiri' or 'bayarabe'. All these 'tags' have been shown to be used by you in a derogatory manner and have thus led the recipients to be feeling ostracized and be feeling like second-class citizens especially when you use 'body-language' and 'stereotyping' to reinforce this. For instance: Ai kasan inyamuran nan.... or Ai arnan nan basa son mu...etc.
b. You have always failed to bring non-Muslims close as exemplified by the Holy Prophet (SAW). Rather you choose to always demarcate and delineate boundaries despite the fact that many people still sneak or even openly interact with them and partake in the same activities that you claim are the reason for the demarcations.
c. You feel too conceited to organize and participate in such activities as Daawah (Muslim missions) and Interfaith Dialogues, preferring rather to be euphoric in your assumed safety of being divinely-guided and branding others as simply being lost. This stance makes you a selfish person as well as destroys any possibility of you being used by Allah to guide others which is one of the greatest things that can happen to a Muslim.
Thus far, the foregoing are 8-count charge leveled against you although there are some that are still being processed.
Therefore Hausaman, in the spirit of finding a lasting solution you are required to kindly furnish your defense so as to invalidate the charges and substantiate your innocence which as it stands now we are assuming you are innocent until proven guilty.
However, it should be noted that blind arguments, rhetorics, counter-accusations are not allowable in this case. We will only entertain air-tight proof of innocence and better still we would appreciate if 'solutions' and 'remedies' to the different maladies are put forth. As stated in the prelude, the Hausaman has been known as the pride of the pack and thus a pace-setter! We hope he will not disappoint and lead the way in this exercise that will form part of the restructuring of Nigeria. We expect others to follow suit.
We will adjourn till a comment is made...
All arise...!!!
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